-There you go. -Thanks.
-Ray Barone. -Desmond Howard. Hi.
-Thanks for the interview. -WeII.
CongratuIations on that Super BowI MVP thing.
Thanks. I saw your articIe about it. Thought it was great.
-I wish you were my boss. -What? He didn't Iike it?
-Yeah. -How did you hand it in?
-I gave it to him. -That's it?
When you do a good job you've got to Iet them know.
When I do my job weII I Iet everybody know.
I sIow down at the 5-yard Iine...
I start doing a IittIe robot spike the baII. Everybody's in the crowd feeIing it.
-That's showboating. -No man that's sharing the moment.
That's Ietting peopIe know you've got something speciaI.
Now I'm your boss. Give me your articIe.
Mean it this time.
-What do you mean? -I mean show me what you've got.
-I didn't come with much reaIIy. -Ray show me something.
Maybe you shouId just hand it in with a smiIe.
Hi I'm Ray and I Iive here in Long IsIand with my wife Debra.
She's great with the kids the house everything.
I don't know how she does it.
We've got a daughter AIIy...
and twin two-year-oId boys.
It's not reaIIy about the kids.
My parents Iive across the street.
That's right.
And my brother Iives with them.
Now not every famiIy wouId go by on a conveyor beIt for you...
but mine wouId because--
Everybody Ioves Raymond.
Yeah.
Miss me?
I'm not taIking to you.
I'm not taIking to you either.
It's just that sometimes I feeI Iike there's not enough time.
Yeah you're right as aIways.
Thank you for being so understanding. Okay bye.
Who was that?
It'sjust that sometimes I feel like there's not enough time.
You're on the radio?
Your husband's not a mind-reader, Debra.
-Husband? -Tell him what you need.
-Need? -Thank you for being so understanding.
Thank you forjoining me today on It's Your ProbIem.
I'm Dr. Nora Sarasin. Good night.
And remember, you've got no one to blame but yourself
Hi honey.
You're taIking about me to some radio shrink?
She's one of the most respected psychotherapists in the country.
I was Iucky to get through.
-What did you say to her? -I caIIed because some other caIIer...
was saying how she didn't feeI appreciated. Some hooker from DaIIas.
Wait a minute. So you don't feeI appreciated?
It's just that we don't get to spend a Iot of time together...
and Dr. Nora says that can Iead to feeIing unappreciated.
What the heII is she taIking about? I appreciate you.
-By the way thanks for everything. -Yeah.
HeIIo?
-Yeah she's right here. It's Dr. Nora. -Shut up.
HeIIo? Ray it's Dr. Nora.
Hi there.
You have to do that now? Stop that.
Oh reaIIy?
Wow£¡ That wouId be terrific.
Oh my God. I am so fIattered.
When wouId that be?
Yeah. I think that wouId be fine.
No Iisten. It's great taIking to you 'cause I've been Iistening to you for years.
And yes. Okay weII thank you so much.
Okay take care. Bye.
Stop it.
Do you know what that was?
A magicaI iIIusion.
Dr. Nora is coming here. She's coming here.
What? Get out of here. Why here?
She wants to interview me for a book she's doing on the American famiIy.
-Why you? -Because...
she says I'm part of a vanishing breed£º the housewife.
I caIIed you that and you made me sit in the garage.
God I can't beIieve she's coming here.
Now Iisten.
She means a Iot to me so you can't be doing aII this stuff okay?
You got to Iook Iike someone I wouId be with.
I'm not going to be with you tomorrow 'cause I'm going goIfing.
You have to be here Ray. The book's about famiIies.
She Ioves to ask reaIIy tough questions so we got to get our story straight.
Story straight? What'd we do knock over a 7-EIeven?
Okay that's exactIy the kind of thing that is going to kiII us£º
your sense of ¡°humor.¡±
In sports, the International Basketball League was busy last night....
-What are you doing? -Turning off the TV.
In fact we shouId move the TV.
I don't want Dr. Nora to think this is the focaI point of our Iiving room.
It's the focaI point of our Iives.
Ray just move this into the den okay?
Oh my God that's her.
-I'II get it. -No I'II get it.
-Ray pIease. AII right? -PIease what?
Just pIease.
-HeIIo. Debra? -Hi.
Yes. Oh my God. Come on in. This is unbeIievabIe.
Ray this is Dr. Sarasin.
There's no reason to be so formaI. CaII me Dr. Nora.
Dr. Nora.
You have a IoveIy home.
Thanks. WeII we're going to repaint this room.
Too many bad memories here.
These are our two boys Geoffrey and MichaeI.
-What adorabIe twins. -Thank you.
It is good you dress them differentIy.
Of course because they're two different peopIe with different personaIities.
And this is my daughter AIIy.
HeIIo£¡ What are you drawing there AIIy?
Naked Barbie.
Honey why don't we draw Barbie buiIding something?
She couId stiII be naked.
Can you go soon?
-Sweetie it's nap time now. -You want me to get them up?
No I'II get them. I Iove caring for the chiIdren.
So fuIfiIIing.
Okay come on AIIy Iet's go. I'II read you a story okay?
I'II be just a minute aII right? And Ray don't....
-Don't what? -Just don't.
So Ray what's it Iike having three chiIdren under the age of five?
WeII I Iike to teII peopIe it's kind of Iike a frat house.
Nobody sIeeps everything's broken and there's a Iot of throwing up.
Can I quote you?
-You Iike that? -Yeah I do.
Get back in that crib now.
Said the mama bear to the three IittIe bears.
She teIIs great stories Debra.
Ray there's a big bIack car parked in your driveway.
Yeah Deb's got some company aII right?
You know who drives big bIack cars? The Feds.
It's my car. I'm here to see Debra.
Wait a minute. Say something eIse.
HeIIo I'm Dr. Nora.
That voice. Are you Dr. Nora?
That's me.
I can't teII you what a huge fan I am of yours£¡
You taught me to express myseIf.
Thanks a bunch Iady.
These are the kind of parents that keep you in business.
-We Iive right across the street. -ReaIIy?
How are you fixed for pie Ray?
-I take it the boundaries are rather informaI. -They're rather invisibIe.
You and I have a Iot in common.
Ma Dr. Nora's got time to write you one prescription and then you got to go.
I am so gIad that Debra's seeing someone.
Just between us what's wrong with her?
So you're a radio doctor?
You wouIdn't think you'd have to be on the radio with that figure.
Frank£¡
It's a compIiment.
Yeah he used to write for HaIImark.
You stiII don't know how to behave do you?
-Leave me aIone. I'm taIking. -You're not taIking you're embarrassing.
You aIways do that to me Iike with Lee and Stan in the restaurant.
I'm not listening anymore
Now you're gonna start singing. He does that to try to drown me out.
How'd you Iike it if I sing?
Frank Barone, will you shut up?
-You can talk all night, you can talk all day -Frank Barone, will you shut up?
Okay guys. Dad stop it. Mom£¡
Look company.
Ray come here.
Dr. Nora is here to taIk to me not to Peaches & Herb.
-I'm going to get rid of them. -PIease.
Don't caII my mother ¡°Herb.¡±
Robert I want you to meet Dr. Nora...
the famous psychoIogist from the radio.
HeIIo.
Is this about me?
ActuaIIy it's not about any of you. Dr. Nora is here to taIk to me.
-So thanks for visiting-- -Debra I wouId Iove if they stay.
I think they'd add an interesting dimension to the piece.
Hey chips.
You hear that? We're interesting.
And your husband is very funny.
She's going to quote me.
WeII you know that's why I married him Dr. Nora for his sense of humor.
You see we met when I was doing PR for a hockey team...
and I know what you're going to say ¡°Oh a woman in hockey.¡±
But actuaIIy it wasn't as....
WeII but I am not sure...
if that's the kind of information you're Iooking for.
WouId you Iike me to get right to our sex Iife?
Excuse me are you very nervous right now...
or do you do that aII the time?
Do what?
AII right I am no expert in body Ianguage but stop yeIIing.
Dr. Nora was supposed to be here for me...
not your famiIy and by the end she didn't even know I was in the room.
I am sure she did. Who do you think was bringing her aII that pie?
Of course she was interested in them.
Some shrinks got to go to 40 institutions to find aII the action she found in that room.
Yeah she was pretty interested in you too.
Even me. LittIe bit.
I think she was very impressed with my weekIy underwear scheduIe.
Yeah eight years. Eight years you made fun of me.
Come on.
Dr. Nora thought I was boring.
You're not boring you're normaI.
That's good.
Growing up in my famiIy I prayed for normaI every night.
Then I'd faII asIeep to the sound of my brother naming his toes.
There was Fat Tony Jimmy the WeaseI...
BiIIy Stretch and Tastes Bad.
Ray I was so excited that Dr. Nora was coming here...
but there's no way I couId foIIow the dysfunctionaI famiIy circus.
You shouId have went on before them.
Maybe if you'd been yourseIf Dr. Nora wouId've been more interested.
-What did you go put on a big act for? -Because I am boring.
There's you know nothing about me...
that's you know Iike quirky...
or funny or interesting.
What are you doing?
There's a IittIe Ieft in there.
-I'm sorry. -No.
See that's exactIy my probIem. I don't do that.
-Do what? -Lick the bowI£¡
I mean that's the kind of great weird stuff you freaking guys do aII the time.
What do you mean? This? You couId do this.
Come on.
Come to the dark side.
Lick the bowI.
¡°I won't hurt you. I'm just a bowI that's aII.¡±
AII right we'II work on it.
Look Ray just teII me something okay.
Do you think that I'm boring?
Thank you very much for your answer Ray.
Come on I didn't say anything. Come on Deb.
AIIy want some chocoIate miIk?
AIIy how did you think of that?
It's easy.
Guess you just have to be a bIood reIative.
-HeIIo dear. -Hi.
-What's for dinner? -It's turkey dogs.
Turkey dogs?
What an interesting choice.
I have them every week.
That's totaIIy insane.
What?
What he means is you've got some imagination there Debra.
-Where are you going honey? -Can I be excused?
-WeII you didn't finish your hot dog. -It tastes Iike chocoIate miIk.
Okay.
Isn't she marveIous with the kids? So offbeat?
-So Debra hi. -Hi.
Oh Iook you're wearing sIippers and socks at the same time.
That is so unique and different.
Okay. AII right you can aII stop now. I get it.
Stop what?
Trying to make me feeI Iike I'm interesting.
It's a very nice effort but it's a IittIe transparent.
What's she taIking about?
-See? That's that imagination again. -AII right aIready.
-Hey honey. What's up? -Guess what Ray?
Your famiIy came over to convince me that I am fascinating.
What do you mean? AII at once?
Not one at a time which wouId be the smart subtIe way?
You know when you're feeIing reaIIy bad about yourseIf...
there's nothing to make you feeI better than being patronized. Thank you Ray.
You're weIcome.
What did you do?
We tried to do what you said but she didn't give us much to work with.
Socks and sIippers.
Okay I'm very boring.
Yes I know. I'm very boring okay? We can aII agree.
Oh honey I wouId never caII you boring.
-You just Iack a certain.... -Flair£¡
FIair? Like aII of you have?
WeII your Dr. Nora seems to think so.
Yeah she's sending a photographer over to take our picture.
AII right stop heIping now. Thanks.
No that's okay. They're right. I'm not interesting. I don't have ¡°fIair.¡±
I mean maybe I wouId have fIair...
if I barged into peopIe's houses 50 times a day going£º
What's that dear? Frosting in a can?
¡°So much easier than homemade.¡±
Yeah or what about£º
¡°I saw something questionabIe in the refrigerator. It's gotten worse.¡±
She's doing you.
Maybe this is more interesting. ¡°How are you fixed for pie sweetheart?¡±
Take it easy huh? Stop it.
I'm not listening anymore
She's very good.
She's good. She's very good. Very interesting too that's aII.
How about this for some fascinating behavior?
Never ends for Raymond.
-¡°You're a Iucky man Raymond.¡± -AII right stop it.
¡°No. Everybody Ioves Raymond.¡±
Do me now.
-Got the aspirin. -Thanks.
-FeeIing better? -Like I popped something.
Don't worry though. I'II go over in the morning and apoIogize.
You can go over there but don't apoIogize just do the act again.
They Ioved you. You were afraid you were boring.
Yeah but I mean that wasn't me Ray that was them.
Nothing funny about me to imitate you know?
What are you taIking about? Here I'II do you£º
¡°Ray get off of me. It's not your birthday.¡±
I'm kidding aII right? You don't say that exactIy.
You don't know what it's Iike to go through your whoIe Iife just normaI.
You don't get it. You've got to be normaI.
I mean Iook at aII of us. We need a normaI one.
God that's true.
That's why I married you.
You know what? You are weird.
-You're just saying that to be nice. -No.
Listen. Why wouId any normaI person put up with us for as Iong as you have?
-I don't know. -That's right.
I was born into this famiIy. I'm stuck with them.
But what kind of weirdo wouId choose to be one of us?
There's something wrong with you.
You reaIIy think so? You think something's wrong with me?
Of course Iook at you. How couId you expIain this?
Yeah I think you're right. I'm reaIIy weird.
You're weird. You're a sick twisted individuaI.
ReaIIy twisted yeah.
-Give yourseIf some credit. -Yeah.
You know you imitated everybody today except me.
-I can't do you. -Come on.
-No I can't. -Go ahead. Give it a try.
Oh no£¡
There's something wrong with the shower.
Get out of here.
¡°My rash is back.¡±
You know it isn't funny if it hurts the other person.